My soul currently resembles the piece of coal I am bound to find in my stocking

Tonight I think I can actually hear a bottle of wine calling my name from two rooms away. My day started out cleaning up six (yes, six) piles of cat vomit and fighting back tears in my car for what was bound to be another very creative and FUN day of freedom! Unfortunately, I'm only serious about the tears and cat vomit.
I want to know when the whole world just gave up and boxed themselves in. I'm curious about when it was determined there was a "right" or "wrong" way to be creative. And I'm wondering when it became so hard for me to lean on people. My yapper flaps a lot, but I'm hardly ever really saying anything. God love the people who must endure it each day. Perhaps my Christmas present to them could be official sainthood? They've earned it.

And then there's a moment (as a friend pointed out to me today) when you realize you don't really know the people who sit around you at all -- at least not on a deeper level -- which is strange considering we spend so much of our lives sharing each others' space. And from there you can only see more layers of beauty and compassion and humanity from people whose kindness already impressed the hell out of you.

I guess I don't really have anything clever or funny to share with you tonight. This post is really just me trying to talk out what's troubling me right now. And to share with you a piece of another friend who's been by my side since I got home...somehow they always know what you need.
Now, if you'll excuse me, that "calling" has turned into yelling and I can no longer keep the Pinot waiting.

I-I don't want to buy anything from you.

I love you. Honestly, I think you're great. And I'm super thankful you're reading my blog, so please forgive me in advance because I'm about to tell you something you're not going to want to hear, but I can't contain it anymore. And I don't want to offend you, but...I don't want to buy anything from you. I want to hang out with you and I want to support your ventures, but I don't want to come to an awkward party at your house where I'm expected to buy something at the end and I feel poor if I don't. The stuff is probably cute, but also overpriced, even with the "special discount" everyone gets for coming to the party. I really do want to help you get free stuff, but not if it costs me $50.
Once more, I think you're really neat, but the worst thing you can do to your friends who know you're trying to make extra money is ask them to cough it up. If times are tight for you, they're probably tight for your buddies, too. And it makes things really weird.
So, tell me: can we keep our friendship strictly non-commercial or do you accept checks?

A dog-pile of things that are "the worst"

You can't see me, but I'm waving a white flag. I give and the only thing that's going to revive me is going to be a very stiff drink this evening.
Honestly, I'm so wrapped up in my own overwhelming life at the moment that I just don't have anything left to give to anyone else. Crappy quality in a friend? Yes. Reality, though? Also yes.
Since I feel like I'm required to announce the silver linings of all the dark clouds before the universe yanks the proverbial vintage Versace rug out from under me, here they are, in no particular order:
-great husband
-awesome family
-supportive friends
-off-the-charts cool pets
-DINK status

Okay, now that that paperwork's out of the way, here's what I really care about today: the suckiness of inconsiderate people. There's nothing worse than someone who overpromises and underdelivers. In fact, I've had just about enough of it from one particular individual and if I didn't think my husband would personally rip me a new one for saying so, I'd call this person directly and ask to borrow his ego for the day just to know what it feels like to be a complete cock.
And last night I heard a news story about someone STABBING A PUPPY and only getting probation. Probation! How could you ever feel you have the right to bring physical harm to another living being (newsflash: YOU DON'T), let alone a freaking puppy?!? And then he gets probation? UGH! Right now, our justice system seems all kindsa f'ed up. I'm not into this book of stories, but what happened to "an eye for an eye"?
And while we're on the subject, every time I see the scum of the earth (Vick) on the TV, I list all of the horrible, violent things I hope happen to him. I'm not a violent individual (though I will rock your planet like the asteroid in Armageddon with some seriously not-nice words), but if I met this person on the street, I'd have no problem turning that way. I can never forgive someone with that much evil in his heart. I guarantee you that people like him don't change. Don't be fooled by the smoke and mirrors of his PR people. I hope he loses his livelihood and a horrible, karma-like fate befalls him.

So maybe that tangent lends a little perspective to my own situation (which I wish I could elaborate on) and how even though it seems like we are totally not in control of our own lives and futures, we still are because we can always choose to say, "Sod 'em," and move on from the whole thing in a totally different direction.

While I'm in the moment, please do me a favor. Go see "Machine Gun Preacher," or at least visit the website: www.machinegunpreacher.org
I know it sounds like an obscure Quentin Tarrantino/Robert Rodriguez (and therefore terrible) film, but it's not. It's based on the life of a man named Sam Childers who gives a damn about people thousands of miles from wherever you are right now. I saw the film nearly a week ago and I haven't stopped thinking about it since. Chris Cornell's "The Keeper" punctuates the film beautifully and I'd recommend that download, even if you haven't seen the movie. Go to the website. Read his story; but more importantly, read the kids' stories. It will put things in an eery perspective for you.

So to recap: My head is totally Linda Blair-ing right now and the stress is pushing me over the edge. There's a special place in hell for puppy stabbers and Vick.
...and a "hillbilly from Pennsylvania is changing this world and proving that good deeds know no bounds.

As Donnie Wahlberg said on my New Kids on the Block bedsheets (that I still have), "Peace out on the strength." Yes, Donnie. Yes, indeed.


*Legal Disclaimer: my non-practicing attorney (me) has advised me to disclose that I actually have no plans to bring physical harm to anyone, no matter how much they absolutely deserve it.