I'm pretty exhausted. In fact, tonight I'm really tired. Seemed like the day was going to be great this morning and I suppose it was (got to see some old friends and spend some time with some I get to see practically every day). But it's not ending all that well and I guess I'm reflecting on some of the things that I've learned over the past 12 months. So, in no particular order, here they are:
- Health is a gift. I jacked up my back and lived a few months in the body of an 87-year old woman. I did not like it. Also, I see how people could very easily get addicted to prescription painkillers. They're awesome...but it's not when you need them just to be barely functioning above the level of a creative person at a math competition -- so, not well. But they've pretty much been the only reason I wasn't flat on my back for a long period of time...which sounds a lot more fun than it is. TV gets old after awhile. (WHO SAID THAT??)
- There are certain things you say that you can't un-say. Never has that been more apparent to me than in marriage.
- Thirty really isn't bad. I don't know what all the dramatic "anti-30 campaign" fuss is about.
- I like stuff. But I like my mental serenity more. Money's nice, but a few killer vacations a year can't make up for the misery of feeling stifled. "SERENITY NOW!"
- Some people matter and some people don't. Before you go, "But EVERYONE has a purpose," hear me out. Yup. I'm sure the miserable woman I have in mind right now was put here to do something -- perhaps to create a lovely child or to be a supportive daughter to an ailing parent -- but she serves no purpose in my world. I don't think I'll spend any time in 2012 making room in my existence for people who treat others poorly or who think it's okay to step on others to get what they want. Because guess what? It isn't. I know there is a lot I have yet to learn, but I know this much: you can get just as far in life by doing the right thing the right way as you can by doing things the nasty and condescending way. So I'm just not going to allow those kinds of people in my head anymore. Some people matter and some people don't.
- When in doubt, compassion out! Okay, that's just something I strung together, but I think that's a nice little way to think of things. A co-worker and outstanding human being (and, more importantly, a friend) shows me on a daily basis that being kind and asking about someone's day -- even if it's someone you typically find annoying -- is never a waste of time. So, following in the footsteps of his saying in favor of wearing sleeveless shirts when it's hot ("Sun's out, guns out!"), When in doubt, compassion out!
- Everyone's miserable. On some level, every single person deals with misery and those who say they don't should check their pants because they're probably on fire. It might be a health problem, a relationship problem, an addiction, feelings of isolation, a job they hate...there's always going to be something. So hug your pet; go for a run; get a smile out of your nephew; have a drink...talk it out. Whatever. We're all in the same boat. Honestly, that realization kind of sux.
- Being in a toxic environment can make you toxic. If people keep telling you that YOU ARE something that you're not, eventually you'll likely become that and not even realize it. It kind of sickens me that I've gotten as negative as I have, but there's a very short list of people to thank for that. I wonder if I have any postage stamps because I really should get on writing those thank yous.
- Men's brains function differently. It's not better. It's not worse. It just is. I have to stop expecting them to think the way I do. It will never happen.
- I'm a detail person. And I like to plan things. Life ain't gonna show up for my schedule. Shit.
- Maybe asking for help is okay. I know I don't mind when people ask it of me, so I shouldn't be so apprehensive to lean on the ones who've offered help.
- People can only love you if you let them. That's a big one.
- Stubbornness is almost never worth the effort...but I think I have a gold medal in it, so why quit now?
- Just because you don't like something it doesn't make it bad. Think about that. This could be tattoos, NASCAR, football...
- A partnership is never going to be equal. It's never going to be fair and 50/50, no matter how much you wish it would be or how hard you try. I probably shouldn't spend so much time trying to make it that way.
- There's a Justin Bieber singing toothbrush...just thought I'd share that.
- And just as it's mysteriously been able to do since I was in high school, Counting Crows' "A Long December" manages to pop on at just the most perfect, significant moments in my life. Love that song. Love the lyrics. I believe it.
- Finally...it's okay to let some people go. You should put in effort when it comes to relationships. You should let people know that you are there for them -- even if you don't know them all that well. But there's a time when it's okay to stop trying to hold on to something that isn't there anymore. Cut them loose and everybody can go live their own lives and be happy in circles that no longer intersect. It doesn't even have to be a sad thing. Just savor the times you had, open your hand and let them go. We don't all have to hold on to each other forever just to say someone was a good friend.
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