Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Are all straight men disgusting?

I'm pretty torn about the answer to this question. On one hand: yes, absolutely. (I mean, take a shower for christ's sake!) But on the other: no. Is there anything more irresistible than a well-groomed man with a nice haircut in a suit and tie? (wait, I think I just described a page of DETAILS magazine, which is not straight at all...)

I ask this question because I recently wrapped up my time as a corporate minion at a very conservative company, where a lot of the men look like The aforementioned non-disgusting subject. Suits and ties are kind of the norm there and they pay people well enough for those to be NICE suits and ties. Almost all of the gentlemen would open and hold the door for you, and board the elevator only after all ladies were in. (Perhaps it's all of the etiquette training they have them take, in preparation for those $11,000 business dinners?) It's not without its faults, but it's a pretty civilized place.
And then there's THAT guy. I'm walking into work a few weeks ago and there's a dude about 30 feet behind me, coming from another direction. We'd made eye contact and smiled at one another. I turned around and took 3 or 4 paces when I heard the loudest belch come out of his mouth. As it's echoing off the walls of the parking garage, I hear the worst thing of all coming from him: nothing. No "Oh! Excuse me!" (even though it kind of would have been said to no one in particular.). No "Whoops-a-daisies! Pardon me." (This could have taken place in Victorian England...you don't know.) Nothing.
Now, I realize I'm not a "lady" in the strictest sense (I'm pretty sure taking on the F-word as your most favorite word ever excludes you from that category...but it's so versatile!), but I am still a GIRL. And when I'm at work, you'd probably never guess that I'm as much of a hot-mess express as I actually am. (Exception: all work buddies.) And, frankly, I do not appreciate a lack of basic manners. Maybe it's a little Colonial of me, but say "Please" and "Thank you" and "Excuse me," even when you don't necessarily need to -- and hold the door open for people...which I did not do for him because he was so blatantly rude that I was appalled and had to clutch my pearls and run in tiny steps far far away, taking care not to expose my ankles through the ruffles of my hoop skirt.
Okay, that last part didn't exactly happen that way, but I did not hold the door for such a disgusting human being (who was, actually, far enough behind me that it wasn't as rude as it sounds.). I did, however, not hold back and say, "that's nice" after he burped so rudely. My guess is that he may have heard me say something, but probably couldn't tell exactly what I said. It wasn't too loud, though I think I should have said it to his face. Something tells me his mother would have been embarrassed.
All I'm saying is this: things happen. But that's why the words "Excuse me" came along. Once you say that, it's like nothing ever happened and people don't hate you.

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