Tennessee -- who knew? (This one's a meandering mess)

"Tennessee: It's not just for rednecks!" I'm going all Greenburg and writing a letter to the Tennessee Chamber of Commerce to suggest the above as the new state motto. Let me tell you, I would have found that information helpful before we moved here. Frankly, I don't think I had any idea what this place would be like and now I understand what my friend, Darbi, has been raving about for years. But, in the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that I've really only lightly explored the Nashville/Franklin areas of TN, and that's about it. Of course, I did drive through a little chunk of some of the rest of it on my move out here. And aside from the young man in the purple car who was driving in the left lane and going about 50 when the speed limit was 70, who flipped me off while finally changing to the right lane, I found it very pleasant. It was pretty, green (After about seven years in Denver, I'd forgotten that grass is supposed to be GREEN and not brown.) and reminded me a little bit of my childhood and college days in Missouri -- and it gave me that warm, humid feeling in my heart.
Thus far, every single person I've encountered here -- and I do mean every single person -- has been incredibly nice. People thank one another about ten times in a single transaction. It was a little bizarre to me at first, but now I'm falling into it and it's almost becoming second nature. Don't look for any Southern accents in this household anytime soon, but maybe living in the South will make me a nicer person??? (Mom, I can hear you laughing.)
I have to say that it was a strange realization last week when I went, "Hmmm...maybe I can do the South. I might even like it this time." (A large part of why I didn't like it before was most likely thanks to the fact that we moved at the beginning of my seventh grade year, when I was sporting big glasses, big cheeks and frizzy hair. Seriously, Mom, I'm sure there was no polite way to transform my look without giving me an eating disorder, but holy guacamole, Batman! Nerd alert!!!
My life is really different at 30 than it was at 12 - thank hey-zeus. I (willingly) live in the suburbs (Never thought I'd say that.); I'm married; I'm trying to spend less time being so self-conscious; I'm no longer concerned with being "cool" or making tons of friends. I'm happy with the people I have in my life and anyone else who comes along is just a bonus.
And while it was a hugely important time in my life that I wouldn't trade for anything, I realized something about my NYC days: I loved it, but maybe it wasn't always good for me. I'm not going to elaborate too much on that because there were lessons learned that probably wouldn't mean anything to anyone but me. But it hardened me and threw me into a fast-paced frenzy that's lasted for quite a few years. I left that city in 2005 and I think I'm just now starting to shake that -- mostly because I've never wanted to until now. I think my blood pressure went up and just stayed there for 7 years. On the positive side, though, that city taught me how to be self-sufficient, the importance of being direct (people who don't like honesty are hiding something about themselves), and that if you want something in your life, you have to go get it yourself -- no one's going to bring it to you. They were the best days of my life, but maybe I need to create those days all over again, this time under the banner of being a 30-year old who's somewhat found her way.
Which brings me to my next point: I'm paraphrasing this, but I recently heard the following saying, "Decide you want something more than you're scared of it." I think that's where I am at the moment. I'm at a fork in the road and one direction is starting all over and pursuing new career dreams, not settling for misery, just because the security is appealing. No more being talked down to, no more passive aggressive digs that are absolutely not okay from someone who doesn't know how to do their own job and therefore looks to tear others down. No more backstabbing. No more muddling through. START ANEW and take the plunge. I'll make sacrifices; I'll work really hard and get cray-cray stressed. But I'll be working toward something I actually care about.
The other direction is going back to what's familiar and never really making an effort to see what's on the other side of that door. It's so tempting to plant yourself back in the middle of stability and complacency...but I'm hoping I have the strength to walk as far away from that as possible because it's just not me. The greatest risks produce the greatest rewards.


Of course, these are all "hypothetical phrases," but let's just say I never want to hear any of the following from someone in authority again:
"I could be in a meeting with 'the big man,' but instead I'm here with you guys."
"No seriously, no one cares what you think."
"I know you guys have put in a lot of hours on this project, but we're just going to present this, so you don't need to come to the meeting today."
"You focus too much on what everyone should be doing."
"You need to learn how to care less about your job."
"I've already heard this -- I don't want to hear it anymore."
"Sit down and shut up."
"You work for me."
"You speak with so much confidence -- I don't know where it comes from."
"Maybe you should ask your husband what you should do with your career. You seem a little lost."


I'm not saying I've ever had such ridiculousness spouted at me in a meeting with other people as witnesses, nor in a private conference room in an effort to hide the potentially lawsuit-friendly nature of these types of comments. (Of course not! Who would be stupid enough to say such horribly reprehensible things to their employees???) Of course, there are plenty of leaders who would never ever say these things. And there are a handful of people out there who even conduct themselves with integrity in the workplace because they know it's completely unnecessary to step on others or to lie just to get ahead. And I've had the good fortune of learning from a bunch of folks who prove that every single day they go into work (my dad probably being number one). I've learned tons of valuable anecdotes and skills from them and just as many crucial lessons of how not to conduct myself from people at the opposite end of the spectrum. But over my admittedly somewhat brief career, I've come to the conclusion that I just don't have enough seconds in my short lifetime to waste on people who, despite being full-blown adults, still haven't figured out the definition of integrity. And I'm not going to work for, nor with them.


But I digress. This entry really isn't about the bad behavior of others from past hypothetical jobs. It's about my new, fresh start and the beauty of having a blank canvas in front of me to paint however I choose.


My mind is a little cloudy at the moment because I'm bored and, frankly, pretty tired of not using my brain much during the day (needless to say, watching reruns of 90210 on SOAPNET and folding laundry or unloading the dishwasher doesn't exactly giving my synapses a trip to Jazzercize.). But my boredom is tempered by my gratitude for not having to take another potentially mismatched job that doesn't fit into my greater career goals. I'm taking my time in the hopes that I will find the perfect (or at least enjoyable) job. Let's hope it's out there! Because, in the end, no matter how great the company is (and there have been some...), you can't fit a creative peg into a Brooks Brothers hole. (But if you can figure out how to still collect the BB paychecks, let me know because that part's great!)




Side note: Just did a little research on General Nathan Bedford Forrest, for whom our neighborhood is named. Apparently, he made a shit ton of money selling other human beings and running his plantation. Like $1.5 million waaaaaaaaaaaay back before the Civil War. Then he was a General. For the Confederate Army, of course. And he slaughtered a bunch of African American soldiers. And then he was an early leader in the KKK. Outstanding choice of a person to memorialize through little boxes made of ticky-tacky.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

It's amazing how fast your life changes when you're least expecting it. No, this isn't one of those sad entries about lost loved ones. This is about happiness and new beginnings and feeling reinvigorated for the first time in a very long time. I'm like Tova Borgnine with her fragrances -- excited and barely containing myself in a borderline-annoying fashion for those around me because there's so much to share!
First, a big move is coming up. I am Nashville bound in just a few more weeks (I think). I'm actually chuckling a little bit at that thought because I never thought I'd be saying, "I can't wait to move to Tennessee!" But guess what? Colorado is so 26 minutes ago and it's time to get this party freakshow circus on the road. I'm more than this little landlocked, dry state can contain. I need some culture that doesn't involve outdoor activity shoes, streets and streets of weed shops (although, whatever a person does on their own time is their business...it's still just weird to see) and the words, "Maybe we can get together at the park...throw the frisbee around." I mean, seriously, people, there are plenty of things to do INSIDE!
Next, I'm being given an extraordinary opportunity to start anew, if I want. And I want. I have the pleasure of being employed by an honestly GOOD and well-run company right now. I've gained tons of good experience, but it is time to move on. I think I make a much better "good little corporate wife" than I do a "good little corporate minion." This creative's wings are just dying to be spread. No regrets, just lessons learned and a fresh life ahead.
Also, some serious distance in my relationship right now (try three states) is just tough. It flat-out sux. I'd like to say that I'm using this time to remember who the old, uber-independent me was, but I'd be lying. In fact, I've been one big ball of stress who's trying to do everything by herself. And, frankly, I don't think my cat is all that interested in my stories anymore. He's like, "Enough, already! I just want a nap, some tuna water and a dirty Belvedere martini!" (My cat is very posh. His name is Frank Sinatra afterall.)
But I think the biggest and most exciting thing on the horizon for me is...my new closet. Ladies (and gentle-'mos), please take your seats because you're going to need them. My new closet...HAS A CLOSET! There. I gave you the best part first because I knew I wouldn't be able to hold it in until the end like a proper storyteller. So, I just gave you the climax of the whole tale. My characters reached their arcs, storylines have hit their peaks and we're on our way down again. But we still have a ways to go because this closet is badass. It used to be the fourth bedroom. The last owner converted it into a closet that has built-ins in the "bedroom" part and an actual closet since it used to be one. Yup. It's my Carrie Bradshaw closet. In fact, it's better than hers (minus several tens of thousands of dollars of Manolos and Cavalli pieces...well, I have ONE Cavalli.) because mine's going to have a chandelier, couch and table. I plan to take tea in there everyday at 3:30 in a big, chennile bathrobe (will somebody please get me one of thoses? It's kind of key to this plan...preferably pink, but I will also accept a cerulean blue.) and my pearls. (It is the South.) Anyway, it's going to be the most. It'll be my own sanctuary and my "man cave." (Boys, you can keep your pool and ping pong tables. Give me a full-length mirror and something that's shiny and I'll entertain myself all afternoon. It's almost more happiness than I could have ever fathomed at 30.
Yes, my needs are simple: just a room that's a closet with exquisite built-ins and a chance to finally re-hang my pink, snakeskin curtains. Uh-uh! Don't you judge until you've seen them. They're very chic, in that glamorously trashy kind of way.

So that's my life. Finally, my wish of almost seven years is being granted: to get out of this completely strange and foreign state where I've never exactly fit in. I've been begging for it ever since I returned for what was supposed to be a six-month stay. While those seven years have brought me good things, it's time to pick up my Stella wedges and move on to the next great thing where I'm going to do great things. I can just feel it.

And so it begins...

As you may have noticed, I'm never short on opinions and generally believe people should hear them, no matter how much they protest. So, I took the advice (of a few!) and started a blog. I'm not sure yet if there will be a common thread for all of them, but my suspicion is that they'll be random since I don't like to be boxed in.
Your first assignment as my faithful readers is to figure out how to make money doing this. Here are a few things to help you get started:
-I'm horribly witty.
-I don't like reporting to anyone.
-I prefer not to work in a traditional setting.
-The world needs my input, even if it doesn't know it.

That's my beginning. I hope you'll stick with me and leave me your thoughts, too!